mental illness/autism vs "normalcy"

something that i think about a lot is how alienated being autistic/extremely mentally ill makes me feel.

i was put on antidepressants (and then adhd medication) at the age of 15, which means i've been on them for over 4 years now?? which is crazy. and i genuinely feel sad about it, because i feel like being so mentally ill robbed me of my youth, and that i will never experience a normal teenagerhood.

as of writing this, i have less than 6 months left of teenagerhood. but i really don't feel like a 20 year old yet. there are so many experiences i will never get to have because of it- i can't drink, i can't get drunk, i don't have my license at almost 20. there are plenty of things that normal people do that i will never experience, at the very least not on the same timeline (eg learning to drive at 16). which is actually something i've been learning about through disability studies at uni. it's not like i was ever going to be normal because i was born autistic, but still missing out on experiences that most people have makes me really sad.